The ego of man is like underwear on the floor.

There was a day when, if you had walked into our Kindergarten area, you might have thought we were running a literal s***show. Three steps inside the doorway there was a pair of white underwear laying on the floor, looking pretty dirty. A kid had walked in with their backpack unzipped and a spare pair of underwear had fallen on the floor and the kid had refused to pick it up. Teachers had asked them to pick it up several times, but they refused, not because it was underwear, but because they are defiant to almost all requests and directions. They leave their stuff everywhere and refuse to pick it up. It is a control and attention thing. The kid isn’t in my class, but I see them often enough. The underwear had been clean when it landed on the floor, but after it had been stepped on and kicked a few times, it looked soiled. We, the educators, decided that none of us were going to pick it up for the kid. We didn’t pick up their gloves when they tossed them on the ground, so we weren’t going to pick up the underwear either. At the end of the day, the underwear was swept up and thrown out. If the parents ask where they went, somebody will tell them how many times the student was asked to pick it up.

In my first two years of Kindergarten, I told my friends and family that some of my students were “ego monsters”. Everything had to be about them. They sought one-on-one attention at all times, by any means necessary, including violence. They had little to no patience. They were loud and defiant. They were quick to anger, loath to share, and difficult to deal with 98% of the time. Eventually, while taking a course online, I read about attachment theory and suddenly those kids made sense to me. (Basically, attachment theory says that if the primary care giver (usually the mom) is attentive and responsive to a child’s needs, is calm, kind, and caring, and is consistent and predictable, then the kid will feel secure in life and be able to handle stresses and disappointments. But if the primary care giver is inconsistent, unreliable, inattentive, preoccupied, emotionally unstable, unkind, too demanding, etc, then the kid is … well… going to be difficult for teachers to work with. Let’s just say that.) Once you learn what the rest of a kid’s life is like, their behaviour at school always makes sense. It is good to learn as much as you can about difficult children because it helps you to be more patient and compassionate with them.

Image taken from Ontario Counselling and Psychotherapy website. https://ocpsychotherapycentre.com/attachment-theory/

I often hear people talking about certain public figures as being narcissists, sociopaths, or megalomaniacs, etc. They talk about those people as if they are jerks who should know better. But I see those personality traits already manifesting in Kindergarteners. You can learn a lot about the human ego by working with kids. I have to look my own ego in the mirror every day as well. There have been times when I have pushed too hard for things to go my way, or for a kid to accomplish a certain task. I have inadvertently caused emotional meltdowns by being insensitive. Teaching kindergarten is a very humbling experience and, deep down, I am very grateful that my job does not permit me to be a jerk without consequences.

During my Novitiate (official year of training for life in a Roman Catholic religious order), I volunteered at a day center for adults with special needs. I really enjoyed my time with the clients. They were positive, gentle, warm, sincere, and humble. They were a tight knit group who loved and supported each other. It was great to hear them tease each other like family. Sure, they struggled with things like mental math and they were naïve in some ways. They all had disabilities which prevented them from being able to work or live independently. Many had down syndrome. One was severely autistic. One had been choked by the umbilical cord in the womb. One had suffered a head injury in a car accident. But I didn’t think of them as being less than I was. They were gentle, humble, loving, and peaceful. They had the qualities of greatness that I admire in a person.

One of the favourite activities of the clients was the bi-weekly trip to a local farm where they would help feed the animals, clear deadfall from the fields, and help the farmer however they could. I realized that the clients do not often get to feel useful, and contribute in concrete, practical ways. They were dependent on their families and the professionals at the center. They didn’t get the same feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction that fully-able people get from working and being independent. I felt very sorry for the clients in that respect. At the time, I was also struggling with the feeling of uselessness, and guilt from not contributing to society.  

But with greater ability and greater accomplishments there is the risk of greater pride, and a bigger ego. And, what I observe with kindergarten students is that the ego, when running rampant, has a divisive, isolating effect. The ego pushes others away. It is unpleasant to be around an egotist. And, because they only care about themselves, they rarely develop true, deep connections with others. Egotists want to set themselves apart as being better than everyone else. I know that my ego caused me to close myself off from relationships for a long time.

Everyone has an ego. My Guru said that if the ego was stripped away, we would be one with God. So, the only reason we have our individual existence is because of our ego. He said that when God truly wants to bless someone, he humbles their pride.

Our society idolizes athletes, entertainers, influencers, and rich entrepreneurs. I think that the clients at the day center in Ireland are closer to God and are probably happier. They might not be able to reflect on their abilities, accomplishments, and possessions and say that they are satisfied. But it seemed to me that they had more peace and love in their hearts on a daily basis than most fully-able people. I can tell you that, in Kindergarten, the kids who try hardest to control everything and make everything go their way are the most miserable. It is a pitiable existence full of envy, jealousy, brooding, conflict, and disappointment. In that respect, when I see some of these ego maniacs in the news, I have less hate for them and more pity.  

Luckily in kindergarten we are getting them early. By being attentive, responsive, compassionate, firm, but always fair, we can help kids learn to think in new ways, and change their perspective on both the world and themselves. I’m not so sure about the 78-year-olds on TV though. It might be too late for them.